The last few months have been particularly hard - anticipation anxiety and agoraphobia have been really strong. I have felt very beaten to be honest, like nothing I do will make this go away. It's hard to feel like a failure all the time.
D now works overnight a few times a week, at first, it didn't bother me so much, then in the last few weeks, I found myself dreading those nights, waking up on the day with anxiety - wanting to throw up or cry all day. Ridiculous right? I also stopped driving if. I was on my own, meaning I would find people to get kids to and from school if I couldn't. It's extremely demeaning to go from being a very independent, confident person, to someone who doesn't feel safe in their own skin.
I know there are a few reasons my anxiety had been escalating ; and I'm going to start putting up boundaries to ease them. Sometimes I have to put myself first, and not be everyones sounding board - I feel empathy incredibly strongly, and find it very difficult to distance myself from other people's pain, so I get very affected by it.
But I'm working on it all...
In all my reading, I found a great quote for overcoming anxiety, particularly of the agoraphobic persuasion - "whatever your anxiety is telling you to do? Do the opposite". So I'm starting. Again. I have done School run on my own for 3 days, did a night with just the kids, whilst.D worked,and slept soundly (!!!), and am currently sitting in the local laundromat, on my own.
This journey is shit. It's slow, and has a million setbacks. But i AM strong. And I need to remind myself of that..
Tuesday, 11 November 2014
Saturday, 30 August 2014
Not doing great....
I'm struggling. My anxiety is bad - i feel teary, vomity, prone to panic and exhausted.
I realise that i suffer very much from anticipatory anxiety, I know something is coming up, I imagine the anxiety of doing it, and I give myself anxiety. It's such a vicious cycle.
The next week is going to be busy, I have to do a stall at school that I'm absolutely dreading, Dixie-Jayne starts puppy preschool, and I have to get her, the kids and myself there on my own, the normal toing and froing with school, gymnastics etc. I feel really overwhelmed, even though these are everyday things, that a year ago, I would have just done without worry.
I feel sick about it all, I know that if David was with me all the time, none of this would be a problem, but he'll be working; he's totally my safe person, the only person i feel 100% protected with.
I wish this wasn't my life, I want my old 'head' back. I'm tired of feeling scared, sick and weary. I wish i had my old confidence back; my own comfort within my own capabilities. But at the moment, I don't. I wish I could forgive myself, this is a sickness, but i can't help but feel pathetic and useless.
I will get up tomorrow, and the sun will shine, and it will be a beautiful day. I am forever grateful that I can still be and feel happy. I look forward to the day that anxiety is not a factor in my life.
I realise that i suffer very much from anticipatory anxiety, I know something is coming up, I imagine the anxiety of doing it, and I give myself anxiety. It's such a vicious cycle.
The next week is going to be busy, I have to do a stall at school that I'm absolutely dreading, Dixie-Jayne starts puppy preschool, and I have to get her, the kids and myself there on my own, the normal toing and froing with school, gymnastics etc. I feel really overwhelmed, even though these are everyday things, that a year ago, I would have just done without worry.
I feel sick about it all, I know that if David was with me all the time, none of this would be a problem, but he'll be working; he's totally my safe person, the only person i feel 100% protected with.
I wish this wasn't my life, I want my old 'head' back. I'm tired of feeling scared, sick and weary. I wish i had my old confidence back; my own comfort within my own capabilities. But at the moment, I don't. I wish I could forgive myself, this is a sickness, but i can't help but feel pathetic and useless.
I will get up tomorrow, and the sun will shine, and it will be a beautiful day. I am forever grateful that I can still be and feel happy. I look forward to the day that anxiety is not a factor in my life.
Saturday, 12 July 2014
It's the Little Things
Following on from my 'attitude of gratitude', I have come to realise that life is made up of tiny little moments, and whilst not all these moments are lovely, they are certainly beautiful.
In our sadness, we realise our capacity to love; In our fear, we realise what is most important to us; In our joy, we see the culmination of positive moments.
The other day, I was sitting in my psych appointment, very upset about the prospect of not regaining my prior relationship with my father; my lovely therapist turned to me and reminded me that my sadness over a loss, shows my capacity to love, and my desire to be loved. I can't change what is at the moment, the decision is not mine, however I can focus on the fact that I love deeply, and I am worthy of love. Finding the good in crappy situations remind us that beauty, and positivity, and goodness, is everywhere.
Today I had a great visit with some of my family, I gave my baby cousin (4 months) a massage, blew raspberries, laughed when i got peed on and just enjoyed having my loves around. My cousin and I addressed an altercation that we had had a month or so ago, that was caused by chinese whispers, and the freedom that came from being open felt wonderful. It is incredibly freeing to be honest and open.
After my family left, I wandered down to my paddock and took a selfie in my snuggie and uggies, enjoying the winter weather. I have not taken a photo of myself that I have liked in a very long time, I body shame myself over weight gain, and only see the flaws; but this photo I love. I see someone who is feeling happier, who doesn't mind being a dag, and is slowly getting comfortable in her own skin. I AM ENOUGH.
Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference - a kind word, a smile, a hug; the possibilities are endless - maybe it's time to not wait for the big gestures, but see the beauty in the everyday instead.
In our sadness, we realise our capacity to love; In our fear, we realise what is most important to us; In our joy, we see the culmination of positive moments.
The other day, I was sitting in my psych appointment, very upset about the prospect of not regaining my prior relationship with my father; my lovely therapist turned to me and reminded me that my sadness over a loss, shows my capacity to love, and my desire to be loved. I can't change what is at the moment, the decision is not mine, however I can focus on the fact that I love deeply, and I am worthy of love. Finding the good in crappy situations remind us that beauty, and positivity, and goodness, is everywhere.
Today I had a great visit with some of my family, I gave my baby cousin (4 months) a massage, blew raspberries, laughed when i got peed on and just enjoyed having my loves around. My cousin and I addressed an altercation that we had had a month or so ago, that was caused by chinese whispers, and the freedom that came from being open felt wonderful. It is incredibly freeing to be honest and open.
After my family left, I wandered down to my paddock and took a selfie in my snuggie and uggies, enjoying the winter weather. I have not taken a photo of myself that I have liked in a very long time, I body shame myself over weight gain, and only see the flaws; but this photo I love. I see someone who is feeling happier, who doesn't mind being a dag, and is slowly getting comfortable in her own skin. I AM ENOUGH.
Sometimes the smallest things can make a big difference - a kind word, a smile, a hug; the possibilities are endless - maybe it's time to not wait for the big gestures, but see the beauty in the everyday instead.
Friday, 27 June 2014
Choosing Love
So, anxiety is very present and accounted for - has been badly for about 3 months now; agoraphobia is strong, general anxiety is strong, defences are quite weak.
This has by far been the longest period of anxiety, it's now been about a year, with a few periods inbetween that were anxiety free; and I'm exhausted. There is nothing more tiring than the constant ramblings in my head, the persistant worry, the never-ending doubts and insecurities that rattle around my brain.
In the last few months, i've definately realised my main triggers - illness and feeling trapped; any sort of illness for me, makes me deeply anxious, especially nausea-related illness; I trace this to my pregnancies, and memories of ongoing nausea, vomitting etc. The feeling of being trapped is in situations, not in a claustrophobic sense, although god knows that'd probably send me crazy too! I have always liked to be in control of situations, so when i feel like I have no control, or no say in outcomes, I tend to feel incredibly trapped, which usually sends me over the edge.
Lately, I have severely struggled with making plans, especially if I'm not with one of my 'safe people'; I have become a bit of a hermit in some senses, as i don't like socialising on my own, as I'm worried about feeling anxious, and making myself or whomever i'm with feel uncomfortable. Its the same with agoraphobic thinking i suppose, it's hard to make plans to be somewhere where you can't just leave without making a bit of a scene. I'm sure some people think i'm a bit slack at the moment with not catching up etc, but it's a point i'm in right now.
I am incredibly lucky to have some wonderful friends and family that i do consider my 'safe people'; people that I know will support me, and understand me, even if i completely lose it (something i'm yet to do, but time will tell ;) ).
Some of the bizarre things that rattle around my head can be very hard to explain, I'm not always able to articulate them to myself!. They tend to be a lot of worry about the unknown, my kids lives, my life, the fear of loss etc. I have become quite fixated on death, in an existential way, and seem to be on a quest to find the reason of life; with all its pain and suffering.
To satisfy these questions, I have been doing a lot of reading, maybe trying to find a bit of spirituality for myself, something that is lacking in my life...never thought i'd be jealous of those who had a strong sense of faith!
In my reading and research, I have realised the power of meditation (I'm still learning), and Miff and I are starting to meditate daily; which at the moment compromises lying in the sun and focussing on our breathing and relaxation, or listening to music and doing the same. I find great satisfaction in doing these things with Miff (Xavi thinks we're crazy), as I'm hoping it will give her tools for later on in life.
With everything, my inner voice now reminds me, to Choose Love, if Love is the basis for my thoughts and actions, then life will be wonderful.
This has by far been the longest period of anxiety, it's now been about a year, with a few periods inbetween that were anxiety free; and I'm exhausted. There is nothing more tiring than the constant ramblings in my head, the persistant worry, the never-ending doubts and insecurities that rattle around my brain.
In the last few months, i've definately realised my main triggers - illness and feeling trapped; any sort of illness for me, makes me deeply anxious, especially nausea-related illness; I trace this to my pregnancies, and memories of ongoing nausea, vomitting etc. The feeling of being trapped is in situations, not in a claustrophobic sense, although god knows that'd probably send me crazy too! I have always liked to be in control of situations, so when i feel like I have no control, or no say in outcomes, I tend to feel incredibly trapped, which usually sends me over the edge.
Lately, I have severely struggled with making plans, especially if I'm not with one of my 'safe people'; I have become a bit of a hermit in some senses, as i don't like socialising on my own, as I'm worried about feeling anxious, and making myself or whomever i'm with feel uncomfortable. Its the same with agoraphobic thinking i suppose, it's hard to make plans to be somewhere where you can't just leave without making a bit of a scene. I'm sure some people think i'm a bit slack at the moment with not catching up etc, but it's a point i'm in right now.
I am incredibly lucky to have some wonderful friends and family that i do consider my 'safe people'; people that I know will support me, and understand me, even if i completely lose it (something i'm yet to do, but time will tell ;) ).
Some of the bizarre things that rattle around my head can be very hard to explain, I'm not always able to articulate them to myself!. They tend to be a lot of worry about the unknown, my kids lives, my life, the fear of loss etc. I have become quite fixated on death, in an existential way, and seem to be on a quest to find the reason of life; with all its pain and suffering.
To satisfy these questions, I have been doing a lot of reading, maybe trying to find a bit of spirituality for myself, something that is lacking in my life...never thought i'd be jealous of those who had a strong sense of faith!
In my reading and research, I have realised the power of meditation (I'm still learning), and Miff and I are starting to meditate daily; which at the moment compromises lying in the sun and focussing on our breathing and relaxation, or listening to music and doing the same. I find great satisfaction in doing these things with Miff (Xavi thinks we're crazy), as I'm hoping it will give her tools for later on in life.
With everything, my inner voice now reminds me, to Choose Love, if Love is the basis for my thoughts and actions, then life will be wonderful.
Thursday, 26 June 2014
Top tips to keep the crazy at bay.
Today I received an email from an old friend, who had shared this blog with a friend who has a daughter suffering depression and anxiety. It got me to thinking there are a few things I do, that don't stop the crazy, but helps to ease it. Remember I'm still on my journey, these are tips I've learnt along the way....
1. REMEMBER - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I still have issues blaming myself for having anxiety, I'm not gonna lie; but IT IS NOT your fault. Mental illness is indeed the nastiest of nasty bitches - she doesn't care if you're rich, poor, young, old, skinny, fat or anything - she can bring you down at any point. Just like any other physical illness, our nervous systems get sick; so if you wouldn't think yourself a failure for having cancer, don't think you are for having depression or anxiety.
2. SURROUND YOURSELVES WITH THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
It is so easy to hide inside yourself, to curl up in bed and wait for it all to be over. But you know what? that wont help a damn bit! I'm not saying get out and party, lord knows you probably don't have the energy, but allow those who love you, and support you to remain in your life. Talk to them, confide, cry, greive, anything you need to do, knowing those who are beneficial to you will hold you up, when you aren't strong enough to.
3.BE OPEN, BE HONEST. SPEAK UP.
Don't keep the nastiness inside; noone can help you if they don't know what's going on in your head. I am very open about my anxiety, not everyone understands it, but you'll find an amazing amount of people that are fighting the same fight as you. And believe me, it feels so good to know it's not just you, you aren't unique in your craziness - and these people can show you different methods of coping, and share success stories.
4. THIS IS NOT FOREVER
Probably one of the hardest ones. The problem with anxiety and depression is they make you think the worst of any situation; and they make you believe you will live out the rest of your days in this mind funk. YOU WONT!!! This too shall pass -
5. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Ignorance isn't always bliss. Read. Research. Talk. There are so many awesome materials available to you online about depression and anxiety; and I'm not just talking wikipedia factuals (which do help, it's always good to know what's going on in the brain etc), but on blogs, websites, forums, anything where there are other people who have fought the fight and survived, or those who are currently fighting. One website I cannot rate highly enough is tinybuddha.com , it is full of articles, blogs, cartoons, all focussed on finding peace, I have spent hours pouring over some stories, and they will lift your heart.
6. WALK
I know excercise is the last thing you can be arsed doing, but I promise it helps - it doesn't have to be some full on regime either; go for a walk in the outdoors, get some fresh air and get your heart rate up. If you are agoraphobic, walk around your yard, walk to the postbox, walk 50 steps past your house. The endorphin release will help, you will be grateful for the spike in serotonin; and hell, appreciate how frigging awesome nature is.
7. GET A MASSAGE OR SOAK IN THE BATH
We all hold our tension in our bodies, which tends to make our anxieties worse. So relax your poor body, if you can't get a massage, invest in some lavendar oil and epsom salts, and soak in your bath. You deserve it.
8.ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
How many times i've wanted to punch someone in the face when they've told me to focus on the positives. yeah. ok... sometimes our positives can scare the shit out of us too. (my children are the biggest positive in my life, but when i'm at a low, thinking of them causes me pain; I feel like I'm failing them. so yes, positives can be bloody scary too).
My version of focussing on the positives are the little things, so at night, I've taken to writing down 10 things from the day that I am grateful for. They can be silly, like, 'I had a relaxing bath', or 'I didn't scream at the kids when I so wanted to', or whatever is your daily positive. Hell, it can even be 'Today i kept breathing'. Learning to focus on the good things, no matter how trivial, will train your brain to stop focussing only on the negatives.
9. BABY STEPS
Don't expect too much, too soon. Yes, we all want to be better in the click of the fingers - it aint gonna happen! This is a process, be kind to yourself.
10. LAUGH
Even if it's at yourself. Release those endorphins.
11.MEDITATE
I'm still learning how to 'properly' meditate, but so far, what works for me is to either do a guided mediation (there are so many online, or you can download apps to your phone), or to put relaxation music on, focus on my breathing, and try not to get caught up in internal chatter. yep, a few times i've fallen asleep, but either way, my mind and body have gotten some much needed reprieve.
No doubt I'll think of a million other things to write as soon as I publish this, but for now, these are things I'm doing on a near daily basis. They're not curing me, but they keep me breathing xoxo
1. REMEMBER - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I still have issues blaming myself for having anxiety, I'm not gonna lie; but IT IS NOT your fault. Mental illness is indeed the nastiest of nasty bitches - she doesn't care if you're rich, poor, young, old, skinny, fat or anything - she can bring you down at any point. Just like any other physical illness, our nervous systems get sick; so if you wouldn't think yourself a failure for having cancer, don't think you are for having depression or anxiety.
2. SURROUND YOURSELVES WITH THOSE WHO LOVE YOU
It is so easy to hide inside yourself, to curl up in bed and wait for it all to be over. But you know what? that wont help a damn bit! I'm not saying get out and party, lord knows you probably don't have the energy, but allow those who love you, and support you to remain in your life. Talk to them, confide, cry, greive, anything you need to do, knowing those who are beneficial to you will hold you up, when you aren't strong enough to.
3.BE OPEN, BE HONEST. SPEAK UP.
Don't keep the nastiness inside; noone can help you if they don't know what's going on in your head. I am very open about my anxiety, not everyone understands it, but you'll find an amazing amount of people that are fighting the same fight as you. And believe me, it feels so good to know it's not just you, you aren't unique in your craziness - and these people can show you different methods of coping, and share success stories.
4. THIS IS NOT FOREVER
Probably one of the hardest ones. The problem with anxiety and depression is they make you think the worst of any situation; and they make you believe you will live out the rest of your days in this mind funk. YOU WONT!!! This too shall pass -
5. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Ignorance isn't always bliss. Read. Research. Talk. There are so many awesome materials available to you online about depression and anxiety; and I'm not just talking wikipedia factuals (which do help, it's always good to know what's going on in the brain etc), but on blogs, websites, forums, anything where there are other people who have fought the fight and survived, or those who are currently fighting. One website I cannot rate highly enough is tinybuddha.com , it is full of articles, blogs, cartoons, all focussed on finding peace, I have spent hours pouring over some stories, and they will lift your heart.
6. WALK
I know excercise is the last thing you can be arsed doing, but I promise it helps - it doesn't have to be some full on regime either; go for a walk in the outdoors, get some fresh air and get your heart rate up. If you are agoraphobic, walk around your yard, walk to the postbox, walk 50 steps past your house. The endorphin release will help, you will be grateful for the spike in serotonin; and hell, appreciate how frigging awesome nature is.
7. GET A MASSAGE OR SOAK IN THE BATH
We all hold our tension in our bodies, which tends to make our anxieties worse. So relax your poor body, if you can't get a massage, invest in some lavendar oil and epsom salts, and soak in your bath. You deserve it.
8.ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
How many times i've wanted to punch someone in the face when they've told me to focus on the positives. yeah. ok... sometimes our positives can scare the shit out of us too. (my children are the biggest positive in my life, but when i'm at a low, thinking of them causes me pain; I feel like I'm failing them. so yes, positives can be bloody scary too).
My version of focussing on the positives are the little things, so at night, I've taken to writing down 10 things from the day that I am grateful for. They can be silly, like, 'I had a relaxing bath', or 'I didn't scream at the kids when I so wanted to', or whatever is your daily positive. Hell, it can even be 'Today i kept breathing'. Learning to focus on the good things, no matter how trivial, will train your brain to stop focussing only on the negatives.
9. BABY STEPS
Don't expect too much, too soon. Yes, we all want to be better in the click of the fingers - it aint gonna happen! This is a process, be kind to yourself.
10. LAUGH
Even if it's at yourself. Release those endorphins.
11.MEDITATE
I'm still learning how to 'properly' meditate, but so far, what works for me is to either do a guided mediation (there are so many online, or you can download apps to your phone), or to put relaxation music on, focus on my breathing, and try not to get caught up in internal chatter. yep, a few times i've fallen asleep, but either way, my mind and body have gotten some much needed reprieve.
No doubt I'll think of a million other things to write as soon as I publish this, but for now, these are things I'm doing on a near daily basis. They're not curing me, but they keep me breathing xoxo
Monday, 23 June 2014
Defending myself
Well, I haven't blogged in forever..and I so should have been, as my anxiety has been absolutely spastic.
This will only be a short-un, and I'll definitely be back more regularly, but here goes...
Twice in the last month or so, I have been put in the position where I've felt the need to defend my illness, and the position it has put my little family in financially.
So this is the last time, and then I'm done.
Anxiety disorders vary greatly. For some people it can be a constant feeling of nervousness, or for others they can be house bound for years. I'm not either, I'm somewhere in the middle. These disorders can not be compared, and people with the same disorders have greatly varying symptoms.
I have three diagnosed disorders - Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. There is lots of info on these on the Web if you are so inclined to research.
On top of my anxieties, for years I have suffered from immunity suppression, thanks to my iron issues a few years ago, and I have copped hit after hit to my body, health wise.
I struggle with fatigue and general illnesses on a near- constant basis; and some days are a struggle to accomplish the littlest things.
I have gone back to work for a while over the years, but if my agoraphobia is playing up, I can be left terrified and in a worse place anxiety wise.
This has meant David has been the sole earner for our family, and unfortunately, as my supportive partner, there have been many occasions where he has had to stay with me, leaving us in a pretty shitty financial position.
One of my biggest issues when my anxiety is playing up, is driving. Not my capabilities, I'm a very good driver, but with driving on my own or with my children. I can feel very trapped, or overwhelmed, resulting in panic. One of my greatest fears, is feeling trapped, not literally, but in a situation. It can be very overwhelming, and with the thoughts and feelings of panic, come the physical symptoms.
None of this is within my control, and I have never enjoyed a single aspect of my illness. If you ask David, he can tell anyone how many times he's had my howling about being useless, and being a failure.
The last thing I, or anyone else who suffers, needs is to feel judged. Mental illness is like any other, it does not discriminate, and can happen to anyone, at anytime. Anxiety does not make me weak or pathetic, in fact, it has made me stronger in many ways- there are many people with my disorders who have taken their own lives, I have hope, and belief that things will get better.
This is an ongoing battle for me, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's almost nonexistant.
But if you wouldn't ask a person with cancer to defend their illness, don't ever ask someone with mental health issues, it tries to trivialise, which results in resentment; and ultimately shows peoples ignorance.
This will only be a short-un, and I'll definitely be back more regularly, but here goes...
Twice in the last month or so, I have been put in the position where I've felt the need to defend my illness, and the position it has put my little family in financially.
So this is the last time, and then I'm done.
Anxiety disorders vary greatly. For some people it can be a constant feeling of nervousness, or for others they can be house bound for years. I'm not either, I'm somewhere in the middle. These disorders can not be compared, and people with the same disorders have greatly varying symptoms.
I have three diagnosed disorders - Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia. There is lots of info on these on the Web if you are so inclined to research.
On top of my anxieties, for years I have suffered from immunity suppression, thanks to my iron issues a few years ago, and I have copped hit after hit to my body, health wise.
I struggle with fatigue and general illnesses on a near- constant basis; and some days are a struggle to accomplish the littlest things.
I have gone back to work for a while over the years, but if my agoraphobia is playing up, I can be left terrified and in a worse place anxiety wise.
This has meant David has been the sole earner for our family, and unfortunately, as my supportive partner, there have been many occasions where he has had to stay with me, leaving us in a pretty shitty financial position.
One of my biggest issues when my anxiety is playing up, is driving. Not my capabilities, I'm a very good driver, but with driving on my own or with my children. I can feel very trapped, or overwhelmed, resulting in panic. One of my greatest fears, is feeling trapped, not literally, but in a situation. It can be very overwhelming, and with the thoughts and feelings of panic, come the physical symptoms.
None of this is within my control, and I have never enjoyed a single aspect of my illness. If you ask David, he can tell anyone how many times he's had my howling about being useless, and being a failure.
The last thing I, or anyone else who suffers, needs is to feel judged. Mental illness is like any other, it does not discriminate, and can happen to anyone, at anytime. Anxiety does not make me weak or pathetic, in fact, it has made me stronger in many ways- there are many people with my disorders who have taken their own lives, I have hope, and belief that things will get better.
This is an ongoing battle for me, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's almost nonexistant.
But if you wouldn't ask a person with cancer to defend their illness, don't ever ask someone with mental health issues, it tries to trivialise, which results in resentment; and ultimately shows peoples ignorance.
Wednesday, 23 October 2013
Pathways of Life
Sitting at work at the moment, and I have 10 minutes before my first appointment comes in, so I thought I'd write about the last week or so - it's been pretty big!
Last week, X's teacher spoke to me, and expressed some concerns that he may be ADD or posibly on the autism spectrum - he can be very distracting in class, and isn't grading as well as he should. Obviously, I was a bit devastated, but probably not really surprised, he can be pretty challenging at times - a total angel, and then the antichrist, but still my little antichrist, so I was still a bit devastated. So at home on my own, I did a bit of research of my own, and came to my own (nowhere near qualified) conclusion that X showed no autism traits, but quite a few of the ADHD ones; taking myself off to bed, I gave myself 10 minutes to be sad for my babe, then got up, and did more research, and made some appointments.
Fast track to the monday just gone, D and myself took X to a place called Learning Connections, an holistic centre for learning difficulties, attention problems etc.. it was amazing! After 3 hours, we found out that X was not ADHD or on the spectrum, but does have a few brain paths that are slightly immautre, which leads to his attention problems. We also found out our poodie is in the 95th percentile for auditory learning, and is incredibly intelligent; so with physical excercises that we are doing to strenghthen specific neuro pathways, and a few dietary changes, things are looking incredibly posititve on that front.
I can't tell you the relief I felt after leaving this appointment, as a mother you want your kids to be perfect, and not have any problems that will lead to them struggling in life; so to know that proffessionals think he'll be just fine was wonderful. And don't tell D, but I'm pretty sure he gets his intelligence of me.... :)
So all in all, it's been a pretty big 10 or so days, I've been getting up before 6, and not napping at all!!! (side note, if you ring my phone after 7:30pm, good chance I'll have already passed out for the night) I am feeling much better, and like I'm on the up again. I've had a couple of blows with family issues that I can't be arsed delving into at the moment, but ultimately, I'm surrounding myself with the people I love, and whom I know love me in return; and who want nothing but the best for me.
Last week, X's teacher spoke to me, and expressed some concerns that he may be ADD or posibly on the autism spectrum - he can be very distracting in class, and isn't grading as well as he should. Obviously, I was a bit devastated, but probably not really surprised, he can be pretty challenging at times - a total angel, and then the antichrist, but still my little antichrist, so I was still a bit devastated. So at home on my own, I did a bit of research of my own, and came to my own (nowhere near qualified) conclusion that X showed no autism traits, but quite a few of the ADHD ones; taking myself off to bed, I gave myself 10 minutes to be sad for my babe, then got up, and did more research, and made some appointments.
Fast track to the monday just gone, D and myself took X to a place called Learning Connections, an holistic centre for learning difficulties, attention problems etc.. it was amazing! After 3 hours, we found out that X was not ADHD or on the spectrum, but does have a few brain paths that are slightly immautre, which leads to his attention problems. We also found out our poodie is in the 95th percentile for auditory learning, and is incredibly intelligent; so with physical excercises that we are doing to strenghthen specific neuro pathways, and a few dietary changes, things are looking incredibly posititve on that front.
I can't tell you the relief I felt after leaving this appointment, as a mother you want your kids to be perfect, and not have any problems that will lead to them struggling in life; so to know that proffessionals think he'll be just fine was wonderful. And don't tell D, but I'm pretty sure he gets his intelligence of me.... :)
So all in all, it's been a pretty big 10 or so days, I've been getting up before 6, and not napping at all!!! (side note, if you ring my phone after 7:30pm, good chance I'll have already passed out for the night) I am feeling much better, and like I'm on the up again. I've had a couple of blows with family issues that I can't be arsed delving into at the moment, but ultimately, I'm surrounding myself with the people I love, and whom I know love me in return; and who want nothing but the best for me.
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