Not doing great....

I'm struggling. My anxiety is bad - i feel teary, vomity, prone to panic and exhausted.

I realise that i suffer very much from anticipatory anxiety, I know something is coming up, I imagine the anxiety of doing it, and I give myself anxiety. It's such a vicious cycle.

The next week is going to be busy, I have to do a stall at school that I'm absolutely dreading, Dixie-Jayne starts puppy preschool, and I have to get her, the kids and myself there on my own, the normal toing and froing with school, gymnastics etc. I feel really overwhelmed, even though these are everyday things, that a year ago, I would have just done without worry.

I feel sick about it all, I know that if David was with me all the time, none of this would be a problem, but he'll be working; he's totally my safe person, the only person i feel 100% protected with.

I wish this wasn't my life, I want my old 'head' back. I'm tired of feeling scared, sick and weary. I wish i had my old confidence back; my own comfort within my own capabilities. But at the moment, I don't. I wish I could forgive myself, this is a sickness, but i can't help but feel pathetic and useless.

I will get up tomorrow, and the sun will shine, and it will be a beautiful day. I am forever grateful that I can still be and feel happy. I look forward to the day that anxiety is not a factor in my life.