Mummy Guilt

This post is coming from our holiday house up on the Sunshine Coast, the kids are at the beach with everyone else, but I'm getting an hour of quiet time. Ahh the serenity!!

Before kids, you hear the expression 'Mummy Guilt', without thinking anything of it; but let me say, it's a total bitch! Becoming a Mum is one of the most amazing, if not THE most amazing experiences you could ever have, but don't be fooled, with it comes the most intense feeling of unworthiness, guilt, exhaustion and hormonal shenanigans you can think of!

So, this week, the kids and I are up the coast with Mum,  S my step sister, Aunty B and cousin BW; we are a street away from the beach and the weather is amazing - so amazing that I have been out everyday, including mornings on my own getting a walk in, and I'm pretty sure I've managed to get heat stroke. Yep, of course I have. Add on to that the kids have been getting up at sparrow's and you can be guaranteed one very shattered mummy. And don't I feel like shit because of it. Mind you, I have been everywhere with the kids, I've swam, I've walked, I've played volleyball; but my heart hasn't been in it, and I haven't gone above and beyond just being present.

I remember when the kids were little, and I was very actively involved in their play  time, where as now I just feel like more of an observer; I don't know if this is a normal transition with their age or if it's laziness on my part. It does feel lazy. Sometimes I just crave time on my own, time when other adults in the kids life can take the responsibility for a while; and then I feel guilty about wanting time out from my own babies. If i had even 1/4 of thier energy, we'd all be fine - but they're little power houses from the moment their eyes open in the morning (and considering yesterday morning was at 4:30am - bleurgh!) until they finally crash and burn at night. They are exhausting!!!

I suppose they only thing I can do to remedy this, is to keep going with my exercise, and hopefully I'll start to feel more energetic soon, instead of wiped out! And maybe to stay out of the sun a bit, as it is giving me fierce headaches - hmm... might also up my water intake! And the key thing I suppose is to stop judging myself so constantly, yep, I'm not the most energetic mothers,  but I can guarantee I do a lot more than some; and at the end of the day, I have to happy kids that know I love them to the ends of the earth and back.