Exhausted Ranting..

I am beyond exhausted. I feel like shit. I feel anxious and down; and my stomach feels all over the place. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!!!

I'm not quite sure what's going on with me at the moment, but I feel so down, and trapped. I can't be arsed going anywhere, and have bugger all money to go to anything anyway; I feel pretty teary, and quite s bit anxious. I guarantee I'd feel a shitload better after a few good naps; and basically, I'm in desperate need of time out - school holidays are so full on; and truth be told, my kids can be arseholes.

This year has felt so full on - it's been the longest period that I've had anxious moments for; I suppose in fairness it's been a big year, both my babies are now in school which is a bit heartbreaking, Dad deploying, broken bones, and constant money troubles.

I feel incredibly agitated at the moment, and most things are causing me anger; the other morning we were packing up our holiday home, and D was taking so long to do things that weren't really necessary, and we were already late to get the key back - the amount of anger it caused me was unbelievable, it was so bad that my stomach was churning with acid, my whole back tensed up and I just cried. That's pretty much how I've flt now for a couple of days - everything the kids do piss me off; and frankly, I can't wait for holidays to be over. And then I feel like a piece of shit for feeling that way - I feel like a massive failure and the worst mother you could think of.

Tomorrow we are going on a play date, and I am nervous. Ridiculous, it's at one of M's friends houses, 1 street away, and I'm friends with her Mum. But I'm still anxious. and I don't know what is setting me off exactly at the moment.

In all honesty, in this moment in time, I wish I wasn't a mother.