Pathways of Life

Sitting at work at the moment, and I have 10 minutes before my first appointment comes in, so I thought I'd write about the last week or so - it's been pretty big!

Last week, X's teacher spoke to me, and expressed some concerns that he may be ADD or posibly on the autism spectrum - he can be very distracting in class, and isn't grading as well as he should. Obviously, I was a bit devastated, but probably not really surprised, he can be pretty challenging at times - a total angel, and then the antichrist, but still my little antichrist, so I was still a bit devastated.  So at home on my own, I did a bit of research of my own, and came to my own (nowhere near qualified) conclusion that X showed no autism traits, but quite a few of the ADHD ones; taking myself off to bed, I gave myself 10 minutes to be sad for my babe, then got up, and did more research, and made some appointments.

Fast track to the monday just gone, D and myself took X to a place called Learning Connections, an holistic centre for learning difficulties, attention problems etc.. it was amazing! After 3 hours, we found out that X was not ADHD or on the spectrum, but does have a few brain paths that are slightly immautre, which leads to his attention problems. We also found out our poodie is in the 95th percentile for auditory learning, and is incredibly intelligent; so with physical excercises that we are doing to strenghthen specific neuro pathways, and a few dietary changes, things are looking incredibly posititve on that front.

I can't tell you the relief I felt after leaving this appointment, as a mother you want your kids to be perfect, and not have any problems that will lead to them struggling in life; so to know that proffessionals think he'll be just fine was wonderful. And don't tell D, but I'm pretty sure he gets his intelligence of me.... :)

So all in all, it's been a pretty big 10 or so days, I've been getting up before 6, and not napping at all!!! (side note, if you ring my phone after 7:30pm, good chance I'll have already passed out for the night)  I am feeling much better, and like I'm on the up again. I've had a couple of blows with family issues that I can't be arsed delving into at the moment, but ultimately, I'm surrounding myself with the people I love, and whom I know love me in return; and who want nothing but the best for me.

Oh God.. The Pain

2 weeks ago I ran out of my Anti-depressants; I'm on a low dose and thought I could get away with it for a couple of days as we were on holidays and I had forgotten my script. When we got home, i headed down to the pharmacy, put in my prescription then went to Coles to get some groceries - finishing shopping I went home, completely forgetting to pick up my tablets; this was day 3. Now, for anyone that has never taken Anti-depressants, whenever you miss a day, or usually starting around the second day of no meds, you get sick.. I'm talking nausea, headaches, the whole shebang; and when you start back on them, these charming little side effects usually go on for a few more days. You know, just to let you know you're shithouse! Anyway, by the time I finally got my tablets, I was day stinking 5. I was not nice, I was not a happy camper, and I was sick as a dog. The night of day 5 after I finally swallowed my meds, I lay in bed for 2 hours, willing my crap stomach to keep them down long enough to do something... then I puked in the bathroom sink and wallowed in self pity.

My headache lasted a week, and I'm talking HEADACHE... I felt like a million kinds of shit, and of course it had to happen on school holidays, so on top of feeling like crap, I also got to feel like a completely crap mother as all i could do was groan, and occassionally yell some form of abuse at unsuspecting family..

So this week, the kids are back at school, and what have I achieved in 2 days?? Nothing. I have literally slept all day Tuesday and Wednesday, and probably would have today if I didn't have to work at school (Paid!! yipee). I feel so exhausted, and I think in all honesty that i have screwed my body clock, and so am going to try to force myself to get up around 5 (vomit) and go for a walk in the mornings; which I need to keep up to get on top of the residual anxiety, try to get off a few of my far-too-many kilos, and feel a bit more alive.

I think in future I will pick up 2 months worth of my prescription at a time, and suffer the concern-based questions of the pharmacist as to why I'm buying in advance. Nope, not trying to overdose on my Seratonin tablets...

So, that's where I'm at today, I'm getting over my med-less headache, living on berocca as I detest the heat, and testing my anxiety by coming to work. I will admit I was a bit nervous coming in, a bit you say? OK, I was REALLY nervous, which shits me no end as it's something I've done so many times, but there you go, Anxiety is a nasty bitch, and doesn't care for rationality!